Motivation Vs Maybe Later

Listening to people speak you quickly discover if they are motivated or procastinators. Perhaps I am too harsh in labelling those that do not act into procastinators, but hey, if that gets them off the couch then great!

When you use language you have some words that are used very frequently. Take these words for example:

Someone says, how are you? and you respond

'not bad' What does this say about the person? Not happy is s/he? Not really bothering to feel anything.

What about language:

"I hope I make it?"
"I am going to try?"
"I agree with you but..."

all these statements are wishy washy (technical term for 'maybe later') and they don't carry any power, infact they are words which are a waste of space in my opinion, if people spoke with more conviction even if they said "NO I am not going to do that" this has more power and volition.

Remember if you have wishy washy language then you get wishy washy action etc etc. So just do it, and embrace life to the fullest, no half guessing or strategising for all possible scenarios, be bold and be in your own power.


This will motivate you to get to your next destination, just start with a positive statement..

Why Relationships End

From an NLP perspective there are mostly only 5 reasons why Relationships fail:

1) Negative anchoring
2) Unfulfilled Strategies
3) Co dependance
4) Inappropriate relationship criteria
5) Values Conflict

It is interesting to know this as if you find yourself experiencing one or more of the above you can, change your thinking around this and improve your relationships.

Take the first one, if you see your partner and it brings up negative emotions, then you need to replace this anchor as it serves no purpose and infact feeds the negative emotions. What would you like to feel instead? Be aware when this occurs and interrupt your pattern.

If you need your partner to fulfill your love strategy for example and they don't (or they give you want they want) then you need to re-align this, let them know what you want and how this makes you feel. i.e loved, wanted, cared for etc. Be specific and communicate your needs

If you need permission to do things on your own/or cannot be independent this will harm your relationship in the long term. There can be a fine balance here and what you seek is intedependence, a bit of both. If you cannot function without your partner then you do need work on this.

If your relationship is based on your perception of what your parents had/have, this too can be unrealistic. Think about what the other person needs, wants and listen to what you want. If you seek approval by others, is this really relevant in your life? If your expectations are mis-matched with your partner this could signify differences in values.

Lastly, if you value completely different things ultimately you will go your own way as this in integral in any relationship. You want kids, she doesn't. You spend money easily and he feels you do not respect it enough. You want to have fun, and he is serious about wealth creation and working hard for it. Get it? If you are in a relationship you need to have similar values or complimentary values as you head down the same path, you need common goals.

If you would like to explore any of the above, just contact us and we can assist you in your coaching journey.

Magic Moments

Magic Moments are everywhere.. People smiling, laughing, children playing being absorbed in their own little world. Even older people sharing a moment playing bridge. If you look magic surrounds us. I choose to see this side of life, the curious side, the cheeky, relaxed side. Sure I can be as serious as the next person, however seeing the lighter side of life is more fun, and that makes me smile.

If you see commuters going to work in the mornings, wow, do they look like they are off to a happy place? Most look like they have been placed in the naughtly corner and are in punishment, not very adventurous are they? Or maybe nowadays I see them has all having hallucinations/day dreams about their 007 kind of life, and they are really secret agents in disguise!

Yes, that is better, so next time you are worrying about this and that, STOP and appreciate that exchange, look at people, really look and see the magic in that moment and saviour it, it is a wonderful, warm feeling and you were a part of it.

After all magic moments are everywhere the only thing is if you see them or choose not to....

Success Leaves A Trail

When you are in your element and things start working with you, success comes easily and frequently. I had the opportunity to meet someone of this calibre the other day, she is amazing. She has the midas touch and has this so embedded in her psychology that success is an expectation, her belief in herself and what she does is nothing short of poetry in motion.

I could not help but feel drawn to her and what she stood for, seeing someone do what they really truly love and be so PASSIONATE about it is so beautiful and humbling. I took this as a sign for me, that I too am on the path, and slowly smiled at myself as my efforts are all leading me to what I want, my creations my momentum.

This is what many of us strive for: balance, creation and connection. There are people everywhere like this entrepeneur, you just need to look for them, if you are ready the teacher will appear.

So my day was complete, having this wave of enthusiasm wash all over me, I bathed in this energy, this vibration and keep this close to my heart, for next time...

Motivation

We all want the recipe on how to motivate ourselves, our family, or even the people we work with, and if someone gave you this recipe would you REALLY follow it, ingredient and measurement?

Well maybe or maybe not as we all have various filters to see and perceive what is our reality. So hear goes:

You have most likely heard the concept we do things for pleasure or for pain. Yes that is true however do you know which way you lean towards? If you are towards pleasure or away from pain. Both could motivate you, however there is a difference, if you function from away from pain= fear, then this could give you inconsistent results as once the pain is taken away you have nothing to motivate you. So the best place is perhaps towards pleasure as this could give you a healthier alternative and pleasure is always there in so many ways.

So have a think about what really motivates you at work? Towards the financial/recognition/pleasure or away from poverty, just having enough/pain.

The more you realise your operating system, and this program you run, the easier it will be to change it if you so choose.

Big Enough WHY

If you are working towards your goals and you are finding that you are not getting close at all, you need to explore your values. You see your goals should be in alignment with your values, not the other way around. So have a good think about WHY YOU need to achieve this.

If your reason why = motivation is not big enough then you can have this goal for a very long time and feel like it just eludes you.

So explore why this is important to you:

Will it:

1) give you more , happiness, wealth, direction
2) increase your self esteem, connection, love
3) make you more empowered, in control

Really explore this and remember if your motivation is strong and focused then you will go that way naturally as this is important to you= value. Thus the goal is just a reflection of what is a value.

Or, if you have a goal that is not in alignment with your values then you do not have the drive/passion/inspiration to go there. Let me illustrate this for you:

Imagine that your goal is to loose 10 kgs, so you can feel sexy and fit into size 12 clothes. And your values are that being thin = unhappiness (yes limiting belief)and that you like more curvaceous bodies, then how motivated are you going to be to losing this weight?

Not Very,

Or if you want to stop smoking by your next birthday, and your value is that if you stop smoking you will no longer have social drinking buddies, and that having friends is very important. Then how effective will you be at giving up smoking?

Get the idea,

So if you need support in creating goals in alignment with your values, come and visit us.

Have Fun

We all have the inner child in us, for some this comes out more often than the serious side and on the flip side there are those who walk around with such serious expressions that you think the world is about to end!

So lets focus on the first group shall we? Afterall when we have fun we:

1) Learn
2) Let go of what it is we are meant to be getting
3) Become more relaxed and centered
4) Connect easily with those around us
5) Lower our stress levels
6) Get less wrinkles!

So if you haven't really laughed all weekend, rent a DVD which makes you smile, share a joke with a friend. Giggle at your silly-ness and be that 10 year old again.
You will feel so much more relaxed and in the present moment.


Having a sense of fun is good for your muscles, for your health and your outlook on life!

Be the Observer

Over this last week, I have re-learned that being the observer is a great thing. In fact you do not feed into the usual drama cycle, because you are not attached to it, in otherwords, if you are in the cycle you too, have the problem as you cannot see yourself out of it, so if you simply step back and see what is going on you can assist the person with their burning issue.

Simply imagine an arguement and you are the 3rd party, well if you get involved and start sharing opinions, you effectively are no longer outside the issue you have made this your issue, and how effective will you be if your role was to assist and mediate this arguement.

Not very effective, you are no longer neutral you have fed the emotional moment.

So the victim will do their thing and so will the persecutor, the roles may interchange as well during the course of events.

If you ask them to think about what is the intention of this? and continue to chunk up the logical thinking, you inevitabily get consensus on both sides, you remain as the observer and help each party see what this arguement is really about.

If you keep your distance you will be more effective and in turn the couple can resolve whatever issue was really getting to them.

Naturally there are many other strategies you can use, I just wanted to highlight this drama cycle.

So next time you witness an arguement/disagreement see it from another perspective

Hallucinations

We all have ideas, thought patterns which are more dominant than others, we can go on to say that these are all just hallucinations.

I am not saying this is bad or good, just stating that we have our own thing going on and this is a hallucination. What we perceive things to be, how people need to act, what is the operating environment. These thoughts, or mode d'emploi as I often say are simply that.

If we enforce our thoughts or model of thinking onto others we are seeking control. We want them to see that our way is the best way, and a by product of this is simply them to conform to our belief system.

There are many examples in the world today about this, religion is one example that stands out. Following guidelines for all and believing this is the only way.

What about our neighbour with a different model of the world? A different religion that doesn't align with ours?

Conflicts eventuate, and all because we have these hallucinations about what SHOULD BE and WHAT MUST HAPPEN.

With Self Awareness comes understanding and tolerance, displaying behavioural flexibility allows us to be more accepting and calmer.

So which way would you like to be?

Moving On

When someone stays in victim mode they are not very positive in fact they are stuck in an unresourceful state, they blame others or events for their predictament. It is not their fault EVER!

This type of thinking will make you ill, as you see the world as untrustworthy and thus you wonder about everybody's ulterior motive. You mistrust the world, people those close to you and you see the bad before the good.

Well if you can relate to this you need to MOVE ON, take responsibility for your actions and be empowered, if you play the victim some people will rescue you that is true, especially those close to you, your parents, spouse, co-workers. However you have no personal power, you get secondary benefit from playing the victim, perhaps you get attention, love and so you keep this up.

Is this good to keep it up? Ask yourself what you want instead, and what would give you real happiness. Then you begin to let go of your 'stuff'and take responsiblity and then you begin to trust what is coming your way.

Being the victim is no fun, it maybe for a short while you get what you want, but that is just short term, eventually you will need to stand on your own two feet!

Missed Opportunity

A Network Marketer once told me that opportunities are not missed, someone else gets them. Food for thought. In that case if we feel we have missed a golden opportunity then we can take some learnings from that and see them that way, someone else will benefit.

So in this way of thinking there is no loss only gain, it is a win win. Naturally however if you feel this was your chance, and didn't act on it, then have a deeper look at why, you didn't act sooner. Did you procrastinate? did you take your eyes off the ball? or simply did you feel something better was going to come along and it didn't ?

That is when you have regrets and think too much about the past, let it go do not feel attached to it and then you will find that opportunities keep appearing in your life. What a bonus, be open minded and exercise behavioural flexiblity.

With that you will see more opportunities as you have moved on and finding yourself excited at the prospect of a new challenge.

Let it go and be present to the new door opening.

Hungry

If you are hungry for success, for achievement you have that fire in the belly going, you are motivated to get there and nothing, and I mean nothing can stop you from achieving it. Yes that is what Hunger can do to someone.

What makes you hungry? Well besides the obvious (writing this blog on an empty stomach waiting for lunch) You need to find out what makes you get up and go? Here is a list I have put together from my past clients who have told me what makes them motivated:

1) Inner peace
2) Abundance of money so I don't have to stress
3) Seeing my children happy and laughing
4) Overcoming my demons and being my authentic self
5) Wanting to be loved unconditionally
6) Being competitive and coming up on top
7) Being the absolute best at everything I do and knowing I have given it 100%

I especially like the last one, if you give your absolute best then there is no regret, remorse, guilt or thinking "that if?" You have given your all at whatever you set you mind to and you can rest in peace knowing that. No matter what you exceled in your own way, you are your own judge.

Well being hungry is important, if you are sitting on the fence waiting for others to do things for you and attend to your every need, you are not going to be very hungry. You will be complacent, comfortable and mediocre.

Sometimes it is good to go physically hungry to know what really motivates you!

Attraction List

In the last week, my clients have been all about relationships and finding a life partner.

Well we did advertise in RSVP.com.au so I guess it wasn't by coincidence, anyway a theme that has come out and I would like to share is, finding your partner is not about pot luck, or leaving it to the greater forces.

You need to consciously look!

So you get busy looking and knowing that he will come to you, and being mindful of what you want to attract.

I really suggest you make a list of what is important to you: non smoker, kids/not, enjoys sports, age group, religion if any, nationality maybe important. What is important to you as a non negotiable, like if you do not date smokers with kids, then that is a rule.

Do not deviate from your list, if you do then you are wasting your time with men that cannot truly make you happy, maybe temporarily, but you want long term right?

So yes make a list, I did and he was everything I ever imagined and MORE! Needless to say once we found each other it was the most natural thing to commit, get married and be in relationship bliss...


Te quiero muchisimo!

Aim High

I was coaching last night and the client had high expectations about her relationships, it wasn't going as well as she hoped, thus called me to discuss potential issues and how she could improve and get over the current rough patch.

She is aiming high in this area in her life, GREAT I thought, she feels deep down that she is worthy of someone like this, and appeared to be confident and experiences self love. Wonderful as she is wanting to attract the same, someone who is caring, funny, enjoys her company, supportive, and spirtually evolved.

When people aim high, they expect it, and what tends to happen is that they orientate themselves with these values and what happens is exactly that! Easy really if you want to be:

1) Fitter and healthier
2) More loving
3) Attract the right relationship
4) More patient

5) fill in the blank!

then you need to AIM for the STARS and set yourself up to expect the best, be the best yourself and you will bring this towards you.

As they say you don't get what you want you get what you expect.

Inspirational

It is Monday again, and find myself struggling with finding inspiration. Sometimes I wish it was as easy as taking a pill, a bright purple one called inspiration, and off I go....

Well I am finding getting inspired is not that challenging after all, I read one or two emails and my mind starts racing at what potentiality is! You see when we have inspried thoughts we become more open to 'what if?'and lately I am figuring out that this is a great place to be. First of all:

1) be present
2) be happy doing whatever
3) stretch yourself
4) follow a routine
5) one thing at a time

the last point sometimes stumbles me, as I want to do 4 or 5 things at once! I still catch myself sometimes trying to prove something! Funny. That is my energy, as long as I finish everything I start then I am happy to get completion, a sense of closure.

Also realising that I have a wonderful team around me, they all support unconditionally and give all they can to achieve it, on a daily basis. This this around me how can I FAIL?

As one inspiring teacher said to me "there is no failure only feedback" Nice comment and now I see it as feedback, it is less daunting and more inspiring.

I even inspired a girlfriend in the UK over the weekend, asked one or two empowering questions "do you really want to live in London? " and "what do you really want instead? " and then she began to see the potential and the happiness with those answers and thus got a huge inspirational boost.

So celebrate its Monday, the potential is just everywhere!